英语六级待批改作文:

With the development of society, there are increasingly individuals who have got psychical disease. Furthermore, they also don’t know psychical disease will lead to disease.

There are some reason for this phenomenon. Firstly, people will have pressure of heavy work, even some people lose the job. They feel very sad and lose value in society. Secondly, they lack of communication with others, and close their thought. Because of they stay online when finish work and so on. They should pay more attention to the situation.

As far as I am concerned. In order to keep our healthy psychical environment. They can do some exercise on their free-times and talk with their friends usually. It is best way of relax. This ways can help us take mind off the job. I believe we will gain more achievement in our future.

　　
　　作文批改如下：

With the development of society, there are increasingly individuals who have got psychical disease. Furthermore, they also don’t know psychical disease will lead to disease.

There are some reason（加s） for this phenomenon. Firstly, people will have pressure of heavy work, even some people lose the job(改为people are under great pressure,owing to heavy workload or even jobless）. They feel very sad and lose value in(改为valueless to) society. Secondly, they lack of （删除）communication with others, and close their thought(不能理解你的意思). Because of （删除，因为because of 后面不能加句子）they stay online when finish work and so on（删除，另外，不能理解你本句要表达的意思与上一句有何关系）. They should pay more attention to the situation.

As far as I am concerned. （改为逗号） In order to keep our healthy psychical environment（改为us psychologically healthy).They (改为we)can do some exercise on their(改为our)free-times and talk with their(改为our) friends usually. It is best way of relax. This ways(删除s) can help us take mind off the job(不能理解你要表达的意思). I believe we will gain more achievement in our future.（你写的是在未来会获得更大的成功，这与心理健康问题无关）

　　同学你好，你需要提高英语的表达能力，建议你多背一些好的范文，摘抄一些好的句子，并将其运用到你的作文之中，另外，要注意单复数以及主谓一致的问题。